Motherhood has been a humbling experience. It has taught me many things, chief among them is the following:
Mother Does Not Necessarily Know Best.
Going into this, there is a whole list of things I swore that I, as a mother, would NEVER do, except as a VERY last resort. In nearly every circumstance, I have had to resort to these things, and they have made my life, and my daughter's life, infinitely better. For example:
-I swore I would NEVER have a c-section, unless mine or my baby's life depended on it. Well...her life depended on it, and I have absolutely no regrets. I have had to grieve the loss of the experience I really wanted, but that's a hell of a lot better than grieving the loss of my baby.
-I swore I would never use disposable diapers. When Mikaelin was born she was two pounds too little for the cloth diapers, so we started on disposables. Yes, we now use lots of cloth diapers, but every time she has a diaper rash, or we go out and about, or I put her down for the night, she's in disposables. They really are a lot easier than cloth. Should have kept the diaper genies we got at our baby shower, though...
-I swore I would never let her have a pacifier. I was warned about orthodontic issues, and nipple confusion, and a whole host of things. Fact of the matter is, she likes her binkie and it comforts her, especially when she's trying to sleep. And there's a ton of SIDS research that says sleeping with a binkie may prevent the unimaginable.
-I swore I would never let her "cry it out," that that method was inhumane and outdated and would never work for our special baby. Yet here we are, on night 3 of "cry it out" weekend, and she is doing pretty well. It SUCKS, but I'd do her a huge disservice if I never let her learn to fall (and stay) asleep on her own. That, and Derek and I were getting pretty miserably sleep deprived. Having to bounce her on the yoga ball for 45 minutes at 3am was Not Working.
Mikaelin is an amazing girl, and I love being her mommy. I love talking to other mommies about their amazing kids and what they have learned about what works for them and what doesn't. I love that every kid and every mom has ideas, and I get to choose what to try for my amazing daughter. It's a huge learning experience, and very humbling.
And on the eve of 5 months (!!), Mikaelin has learned so much! On Friday, she rolled over from tummy to back for the first (and second, and third...) time, and she is starting to sit up on her own for a few seconds at a time. She is smiling a lot, and even laughing sometimes (especially when Daddy does something funny), and she's "talking" up a storm. She likes to open and close her mouth like a trout without making any sounds =) She is most vocal and interactive on the changing table.
Mostly, she's just awesome.
