Idolatrous Food

I've struggled with my weight since high school. I think the main reason is that I'm just not active enough to burn off the foods I like to eat. I don't necessarily eat a ton of calories, but my metabolism isn't all that active and I have a perpetual sweet tooth. I also have a hard time gauging when I'm "full." I have always had a difficult time digesting saturated fats, and this came to a breaking point in college when I went through a season of depression and major digestive tract issues. I decided to give up meat (except for fish) and limit my saturated fats intake in the hope that my digestive abnormalities would settle down.

The summer after I graduated college, I put myself on a pretty restrictive pescetarian diet and cut way back on saturated fats. Over the next 8 months or so, I dropped nearly 20 lbs and felt healthier than I had in literally years. I ate organic, minimally-processed foods, limited my caloric intake to what I realistically needed, and still went out on occasion with my friends and indulged my sweet tooth.

Some days, I had a good balance; some days, it bordered on obsessive.

Now, 32.5 weeks into our first pregnancy, the Dr. tells me that I've gained about all the weight I need to gain and I should try not to gain any more, beyond maybe 1-2 lbs. I look in the mirror and see the excess on my upper arms, my thighs, my face, hips and butt...I've gained 28 lbs since the beginning of the pregnancy, and while I keep hearing from people, "wow, you don't look like you've gained anything!"...I can see it. And I know Derek can, too, though he's been wonderful about it.

To be honest, I was pretty okay with the weight I've gained until this Dr. appointment. I mean, I'm not ecstatic about the extra chub I'm lugging around, but I'm also not too worried about being able to lose it post-delivery between breastfeeding, being able to exercise again, and mom's group activities. Now, however...I can feel the obsession with healthy eating rearing its ugly head. I can feel the strong desire to make rules, lists, and some sense of order so that I can comply with Dr's orders and keep me (and baby) healthy. Sometimes it's hard to look at the healthy lifestyle I used to lead and compare it to how easy my life is now...I used to have to plan, cook, carefully consider what I put into my body; now I just eat what looks/sounds good.

I need to rediscover that healthy balance. And I can't do it alone.

I'm thinking that three rules will help. Three is a number I can remember and stick to, and it doesn't feel like obsession with food will take over my life.

1. No high-fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated oils: this one rule will eliminate a lot of the processed foods that I know are bad for me and contribute to a lot of my mental/emotional stability issues.

2. 35% or less calories from fat for the majority of the foods I eat: this will help me cut back on saturated fats as well as making sure I don't eliminate fats all together. When I stuck to this rule before, I felt fantastic.

3. Make meals that create delicious leftovers: this will ensure that I have healthy things to eat for lunches and I won't be tempted to eat quick, highly-processed junk on the run.

I'll do this for the next 2 weeks and see how it goes. I hope Derek is on board with me for this!